By John O'Bryan

ISBN-10: 1452110549

ISBN-13: 9781452110547

At some point a prehistoric man picked up a rock and threw it at whatever. And the historical past of guns all started. Comedy author and weapon nerd John O'Bryan relays the freaky highlights of man's centuries-old obsession with weaponry. He hilariously explains the mace, the morning megastar, and the guy catcher, whereas conveying real information regarding each one weapon: its heritage, makes use of, and badass strength. Flipping via history's highlights, readers will find out about Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, and the "peaceful" Shaolin clergymen. This final compendium of impressive guns gives you the entire unusually precise info guaranteed to provoke anyone who is ever made a gun with their hands and stated, "PEW-PEW-PEW!"

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Additional info for A History of Weapons: Crossbows, Caltrops, Catapults & Lots of Other Things that Can Seriously Mess You Up

Sample text

The Assyrians would have to be on constant guard for the fire attack, extinguishing these fires with ladles full of water. They also covered their siege engines in wet animal skins, making them less flammable, but probably more stinky. Imagine riding to war inside a giant wet dog. DATE OF ORIGIN: 900 BCE USED WITH: Battering ram; archers USER REVIEWS: “Oh, shit! ” — Town of Lachish, which the Assyrians seized in 701 BCE SCALDING SUBSTANCES By now you’re probably thinking that seizing a fortress must be the easiest thing in the world.

The material was scarce, however, since meteors don’t land in your backyard every day. Assyria was the first to show up at a battle with an army that was completely strapped with iron, and the idea of an all-iron military had the entire ancient world shitting its tunics. They knew they had to get Assyria before Assyria got them. With so many enemies, the Assyrians had to think outside the sarcophagus. They made damn sure their city walls were twice as fortified as everyone else’s. But more importantly, they developed a system of siege warfare that made everyone else’s walls look like they were made of straw.

But thanks to those opposable thumbs, you can use a rock to bash your adversary’s skull when he’s asleep and steal all of his nuts, berries, dodo bird eggs, and shellfish. Not only do you get to keep your wife—you get to take his as well. Now your DNA will be passed down to the next generation of hominids, while your adversary’s will not. And it’s all thanks to the rock. EASE OF USE: (some calluses will result) DATE OF ORIGIN: Four billion years ago PRECURSOR TO: Hand axe BEST DEFENSE: Get out of the way!

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A History of Weapons: Crossbows, Caltrops, Catapults & Lots of Other Things that Can Seriously Mess You Up by John O'Bryan


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